The Silicon Senshi
by J. St.C. Patrick
Summary: The year is 20XX. Insects have become immune to all pesticides.  To fight them Mars/Xentex-Mar introduced the insecticidal robot, HoiHoi-san. In an effort to not let Mars/Xentex-Mars corner the market Furinkan-PharmEx created Ranko-San…
1. Chapter 1

Ichigeki Sacchu! HoiHoi-san was created by Tanaka Kunihiko, pulbished in Japan by Media Works and in North America by Infinity Studios

Ranma1/2 was created by Rumiko Takahashi, and is published in North America by VIZ Media

This is a work of fanfiction.

**The Silicon Senshi**

**Chapter 1 – Here's Ranko-san**

_The year is 20XX. Insects have become immune to all pesticides. In order to kill them a Japanese company created the bug destroying robot HoiHoi-san. A rival company, quickly introduced Combat-san. In an effort to not let either Mars/Xentex-Mars or Kinryu, corner the market Furinkan-PharmEx introduced Ranko-San…_

Somewhere in Tokyo, from a darkened apartment gunfire could be heard. The neighbours did not react and the police did not attend. It was, after all, by now a common occurrence. All over Tokyo hits were being made and pests were being eradicated. In this particular apartment the insect hordes were kept at bay by HoiHoi-san and Combat-san. At least for now…

Ganguhiko Shuushuuka was a happy otaku. He had the latest releases from Furinkan-Pharmex in his hot little hand. Oh, to be sure he had HoiHoi-san and Combat-san and the various costumes that were available for them but now he had the latest thing. And that was, as the American domestic maven was known to say, a good thing.

He impatiently bided his time riding in the elevator to the floor his small apartment was on. Wouldn't this thing move any faster? The doors opened and he quickly made his way to his room. Fumbling with his key he finally unlocked the door and entered his sanctuary. In the background the only the familiar squeak-squeak of HoiHoi-San's boots could be heard. Had Combat-san malfunctioned again? He placed his purchases on the table. He smiled at the thought that they were a real deal at only 29,900 yen**(1)**. Each. They were worth every yen he told himself. How could they not be? Ranko-san was a cute redhead with her hair wild over her forehead and tied into a pigtail behind, while Akane-san, with her short hair style had a cute smile to die for. What is more they were much more realistically formed than the super deformed, almost childlike modeling of HoiHoi-san and Combat-san. Where they were children Ranko-san and Akane-san were women, albeit in a shonen manga style.

And the costumes that were going to be available for them - an otaku's dream come true. He could picture them now. Ranko-san and Akane-san in sailor senshi seifuku or as cat-maids complete with ears and waggling tails and then there were the bunny suits. Oh heaven. And that was just the start – the Furinkan-PharmEx website showed at least thirty other outfits that would be available later in the year and the mix and match options were almost endless. Tears of joy came to his eyes just thinking about it.

That was the future he cautioned himself as he wiped the tears away then opened the boxes and set about getting the small robots ready to be charged up. He undid the ties holding the charger wires and plugged the pair of them into the power bar. Carefully he plucked Ranko-san free of her plastic cocoon and removed the slippers from her feet to expose the charge clips in her heels. Ranko-san was described on the box and in the pamphlet within as being an athletic bug exterminator and while equipped with the latest bug guns was able to kill bugs with her bare hands through a variety of martial arts moves. She came dressed in black kung-fu pants and a red Chinese style top that, though a little baggy still showed off her forward assets to great advantage. In the box was a white martial arts training gi.

He delicately placed her on the charger and set about extracting Akane-san from her cocoon. Like Ranko-san she was described as being able to kill bugs with her bare hands. In addition to the standard bug gun she was also equipped with a hammer. Unlike Ranko-san she came with two clothing options. She came clad in a martial arts gi and while her forward assets were not quite as generous as Ranko-sans she was still well developed. As an alternate to the gi she had a light blue school fuku. Not a sailor fuku, he sighed, however that would be rectified when the senshi suit became available.

With a click Akane-San stood beside Ranko-san on her own charge unit. At the moment the indicator lights glowed red but in 3 hours the light would change to green and the bug exterminating robots would begin their mission.

In the mean time Ganguhiko sat down to read the manuals

**Dear Honored Customer,**

We at Furinkan-PharmEx are very thankful to you for having purchased our Ranko-san unit. She will do her best to keep your residence, office, cabin or garage free of bug contamination.

Ranko-san is able to identify over 3000 varieties of insects and can distinguish between those that are beneficial and those that are harmful pests.

In the box please find the following items:

**01.** one Ranko-san unit clothed in Red and Black outfit #1.

**02.** one white training gi

**03.** one bug gun Zetsumetsu 8 automatic.

**04.** ten 50 round clips.

**05.** one hunting knife

**06.** one katana

**07.** one scraping tool

**08.** one broom and dust pan

**09. **one charge unit and wall plug.

**10.** five disposal bags

**11.** one manual

To carry out her mission of exterminating bugs Ranko-san comes equipped with the Zetsumetsu 8 machine gun. While her sensors will keep her from harming humans it should be noted that the bullets will pierce flesh.

**Keep away from children and pets. **

**Do not test fire the gun or point it at any sensitive tissue. Furinkan-PharmEx is not responsible for any maiming, blinding, castration or death caused by misuse of our product.**

**Nor is Furinkan PharmEx responsible for any damage to property or persons incurred through proper use of our product.**

In the event the bullets run out Ranko-San and Akane-San are programmed to eradicate bugs through a variety of martial arts moves. They are also able to use any small object that comes to hand as a weapon if necessary. Please keep valuable objects, small children and pets off the floor.

With the use of hands TE-11 & 12, sold separately, Ranko-san can imitate Ki attacks used by top martial artists In this mode however she must be attached to a power outlet with cord Extension Viability Accessory -01 otherwise she will drain her battery with one shot.

Once your Ranko-san has powered up she her eyes will light up and she will automatically step out of the charger and begin her pre-programmed mission. Charging takes approximately three hours.

Do not place charger on tables or by a ledge or any where high up, near heaters, open flames or open windows. Furinkan-PharmEx will not replace units damaged through careless charger placement.

Ranko-san will work for approximately 7 hours on one charge. She will automatically return to her charger with 15 minutes of charge left. If the floor to be cleaned of bug infestation is larger than 450 sqft please change the setting on her back – see diagram. She will then return to her charger with 30 minutes remaining - to ensure she returns in time. If she does not return in time simply place her bare feet in the charge unit and she will automatically begin the recharging cycle.

After each hour of operation and prior to returning to her charge unit Ranko-san will clean up any kills she has made. Please place disposal bags beside her charge unit for easy access.

With use of disposal unit Shobun 107, available separately, remains are reduced to ash which can be used as fertilizer on any indoor plant.

Your Ranko-san unit will respond to simple voice commands (see list attached) and is supplied with a voice synthesizer to respond vocally to you and interact with the Akane-san unit.

Ranko-san comes with two outfits. Please see diagram for instructions for removing and replacing clothing.

Be sure to follow the Adventures of Ranko-San & Akane-san in Shonen Senjou Weekly .

**Thank you again for purchasing this Furinkan-PharmEx quality product.**

The manual for the Akane-san unit was much the same and Ganguhiko gave it a brief glance before putting it aside to lie on the floor and stare at the new ladies in his life. He would have to go out later and see if the local news agent had the latest copy of Shonen-Senjou in yet. Their story was supposed to start in this week's issue. Sighing blissfully, he lost himself in Akane-san's pure feminine smile and Ranko-san's air of healthy beauty.

After staring at them for some time he reached over and picked up the manuals and looked again at the diagrams for changing their clothes. Akane-san was shown in three images in various states of undress as each layer of clothing was removed. Joy of joy, even her underwear was removable!

He looked at Ranko-san's diagram. How odd…, though she was also shown in various stages of undress, she did not have a bra and she was wearing boxer shorts instead of panties?

When he came to from the faint he had fallen into after the sudden explosive nose bleed he noted that it was almost time for the ladies to arise from their slumber.

Ranko-san was the first to awaken, her eyes glowing a bright blue. The tiny robot shuddered as she came on line and then carefully lifted her right foot out of the charge unit and then repeated the movement with her left foot and she was free of the charger. Her head swiveled as she took note of her surroundings and spotting her slippers put them on her feet. She turned and faced her sister unit.

Akane-san finished powering up and her eyes glowed red. Following Ranko-san's lead, she freed herself from the charger and stepped into her slippers.

Then the Ranko-san spoke.

Ganguhiko shook his head and put a finger in his ear as if to clear it. Surely Ranko-san didn't just call the Akane-san unit a tomboy!

The Ranko-san then ran from the Akane-san who was now brandishing the mallet and saying, "Ranko-san you Idiot!"

He watched, horrified, as Akane-san kept trying to hammer Ranko-san. She seemed to be swinging wildly but every so often their zigzag path would be crossed by a bug and Akane-san would smash the bug, barely missing Ranko-san. His eyes grew to the size of saucers as she finally failed to miss and connected with the pigtailed robot sending her three feet up in the air. Then he clapped and smiled with glee as Ranko-san went into a roll and landed as gently as a gymnast alighting from the high parallel bars stomping a cockroach in the process.

And so it continued, the pair of robots would strike a martial arts pose holding it for what seemed forever before striking at bug in a flurry of kicks and hand thrusts. All the while the Ranko-san would seemingly be baiting the Akane-san with verbal insults, once claiming that she was better built. Akane-san hit Ranko-san over the head with a writing tablet that had been lying on the floor. It was strange, Ganguhiko would have sworn that Ranko-san's eyes were swirling when she picked herself up off the floor.

While Ranko-san was recovering Akane-san went into clean-up mode exchanging her mallet for one of the brooms and a disposal bag. She swept the bugs they had killed into a pile and then into the bag while Ranko-san held it. Meanwhile Ganguhiko was turning green while watching the pair and the bulging bag, thinking that even with HoiHoi-san and Combat san(where was that girl?) also patrolling there were still that many bugs in his apartment.

Ranko-san was patrolling by herself and armed this time; Ganguhiko wanted to see what sort of crack-shot she was. She walked along in a very casual manner. Every so often she would stop and after a long pause let off a burst from the zetsumetsu-8. What with HoiHoi-San and Combat-san also using their automatic weapons, he would either have to get new furniture or get used to the Swiss –cheese motif his apartment was slowly acquiring. Perhaps spackle would help.

Suddenly Ranko-san paused and dropped her weapon. Her sensors informed her that she was being watched and not just by the human – her sensors having already established that there were no pets in this place.

Ganguhiko watched as Combat-san appeared on the scene. She had an inhibitor chip to prevent her from attacking HoiHoi-san. Her manual did warn about using her in conjunction with the products of other companies, and while it was true that she had made attempts on Hoihoi-san, surely she wouldn't attack Ranko-san.

The short haired robot with winged ears crept up on Ranko-san . She extended her arm with the stun gun attachment intending to shock the other robot when she found her arm being grabbed and then she and her arm were tossed over Ranko-san's head, across the room and into the bag of bug bodies that HoiHoi-san was filling. Righting herself she popped her head out of the bag, and seeing her old enemy standing there within arm's reach, extended her stun gun and was about to deliver a shock when the inhibitor chip kicked in. She jerked and fell back into the bag, scattering bits of bugs everywhere.

**oRo**

HoiHoi-san and Combat-san were patrolling the apartment while Ranko-san and Akane-san were re-charging. It worked well this way. The two new robots worked well as a team even if their chatter and actions seemed to suggest that at some point he would come home to find Ranko-san squashed flat.

Besides, Combat-san's inhibitor chip only worked to stop her from attacking HoiHoi-san. Although neither Ranko-san nor Akane-san were in danger from her attacks, their martial arts moves usually incapacitating Combat-san, having one robot of a pair out of commission cut the number of bugs that could be eliminated. However...

Combat-san crept across the floor with bug knife-31 in her hand. Her sensors had located an viable target and she was about to eliminate it when she froze, her arm upraised and drawn back attack position just behind HoiHoi-san.

"Error 21. Unexpected programming error has occurred. Reboot in progress" With that she spasmed, the knife dropped from her hand and she fell to the floor and lay there jerking. Ganguhiko sighed. Perhaps he should replace her with another HoiHoi-san. But she was so cute.

**oAo**

Akane-san was patrolling un-armed. She had stopped in one spot for some time now. If not for the red glow of her eyes it might be thought she had run out of power. A cockroach skittered across the floor to where she stood immobile, its feelers twitching as it checked her out. Suddenly her arm pulled up and back then shot forward puncturing a hole through the curious cockroach. Ganguhiko sighed as he noted he would have to start patching the holes in the floor as well as the walls and furniture.

**oNo**

Several well thumbed copies of Shonen Senjou lay on the short legged table. While there were other good serials in the magazine - Hero Driver GMP, Monkey Suite 53, Kamikuzu Kamo, and Schoolyard Emperor - in this household, however, The Adventures of Ranko-San and Akane-san were number one.

He had read their first story with barely contained glee as he found that his girls' bickering made perfect sense. The artist had captured his girls' characters' so well. And the martial arts moves – in every story a new one was added that matched the repertoire available as standard or via download. He could hardly wait for the anime to air!

In this week's issue Ranko-san and Akane-san had become magical girls decked out in sailor senshi seifuku. Ranko-san as Sailor Ladybird, attired in a red bodysuit with black polka dots and a black skirt and sailor collar with white trim. Akane-san was Sailor Honey Bee in a yellow body suit with a black and gold collar, skirt and bows. Completing their ensemble were antennae attached to their tiaras. Together they were facing the machinations of the Evil Cockroach Queen

Ganguhiko looked over his copy of this week's Shonen Senjou to see Sailors Ladybird and Honey Bee double teaming several bugs while Honey Bee shouted, "Evil doers beware my sting!"

**oKo**

Oh, today was the day he'd been waiting for. He had purchased hands TE-11 & 12. Tonight Ranko-san would be able to do ki attacks! His joy knew no bounds, but its expression, however, had freaked out the girl behind the counter when he bought the special accessories.

Barely able to contain his trembling fingers he changed Ranko-san's hands then attached the Extension Viability Accessory-01 to a slot in her back and plugged the other end in to the power bar. He turned her on and placed her on the floor

She began walking around the apartment looking for bugs. Finally an unwary cockroach came scurrying across the floor. She held her hands together and electricity arced between her hands and began to form into a ball. Ganguhiko's mouth was agape as he watched the improbable display before him. The lights in the room dimmed and flickered as the ball grew to the size of her head. Then she shouted, "Moko Takabisha!" The ball of energy was released at the same time surging away from her outstretched hands to fry the target.

The stench was unbelievable.

Ganguhiko jumped up and ran around the room eerily like a mad man, stopping briefly to unplug the redheaded robot. In a flurry of activity he opened the window, the balcony door and turned on a fan to blow the burnt protein smell out of his apartment.

**oOo**

Ganguhiko looked at his bank statement. He was overdrawn. Again. But there was a very good reason he had gone in to the red. The girls needed those new bikinis and the weapons that went with them. Oh, sure they were not waterproof, but neither were the girls. And they looked so cute. So what if the set cost 650,000 yen. They were laser guns! So the expense was absolutely necessary. Though it did mean it was cup ramen again for supper. And he still had to apologize to his neighbours every time he met them for causing that power outage. He sighed.

**oSo**

Meanwhile in another part of Tokyo a shout could be heard in stereo:

"NA-BI-KI! You've got some explaining to do!"

**oAo**

It was a new day and he had a new set of clothes he had just purchased that they would look so cute performing their duties in. There was no way he could pass up the new catgirl maid outfits! Even if they were 2700 yen They were perfect; they had little ears and tails. What's more the tails were prehensile and they could waggle! He felt warm all over just thinking about it.

Something was wrong with Ranko-san. After the download he had turned her on again she took one look at Akane-san and began backing away. Then the neighbour's cat came jumped into the room through the open window. Akane-san's sensors registered it as non-viable and she started to fulfill her mission and walked off under the short legged table. The cat ignored her and walked past Ganguhiko, rubbing her side against his legs, it then turned its attention to Ranko-san. Walking around her several times before leaving the now still robot and leaving the way it came.

"Error 9. Unexpected programming error has occurred in subroutine K47. Rebooting in safe mode." With that the small redheaded robot sank to her knees and was still for a moment. There was a hum and then a chime sounded and she began to move again, but not like before. She curled her fists and assumed a position on all fours. The she swished her tail, sat down and began to, for lack of a better word and the fact that she lacked a tongue, to groom hers wrists in a cat like manner.

Ganguhiko went to the manual and checked the troubleshooting page.

Problem Solution

Ranko-san is acting like a cat:

Allow her to run down and then set in recharger in off mode. When LED on charger turns green remove her and turn her on manually. She should then be in normal mode again. Should problem persist place her in close proximity to Akane-San, let her run down and recharge as above.

He heard a meow and looked up from the manual in time to see Ranko-san chasing a cockroach on all fours with her tail swishing behind her. Given how quickly the little bug could run he was surprised when she not only caught up to it but caught it by pouncing on it. Then she began batting it back and forth between her hands , slowly knocking off its legs. Then picking it up with her tail she proudly walked over to him and dropped the amputated cockroach at his feet.

**oNo**

"You had the amateur robotics club program our behavior into WHAT!"

**oBo**

He sat at his computer with the girls wired into the USB port. Furinkan-PharmEx's website had new action downloads. Ranko-san and Akane-san would soon be able to do a new martial arts move. The short video demonstration was mind blowing. And they would look so cute performing it in the special outfits he had purchased that were necessary for the move. Now all he had to do before downloading was enter his credit card number and authorize them to debit his account for 7500 yen and soon he would see them performing for him live, as it were.

The instructions on the website stated that the windows should be open for this action and that loose items such as paper, pens, books, chairs, small children et cetera should be removed from the room prior to initiation. Ganguhiko obediently tidied the room the best he could.

Akane-san in her white body suit stood in the middle of the floor and began to emit a sound that was guaranteed to attract cockroaches. As the insects began to scurry out from walls Akane-san began to heat up. Ganguhiko could see thermal distortions around and above her as the heat rose from her body.

Ranko-san in the meantime was circling Akane-san. Just as in the video frost could be seen forming on her red bodysuit. As she circled, the redheaded robot got closer to Akane-san and as she got closer she sped up her circling.

As the two finally met in the center they brought their hands together and swung them towards the cockroaches and the window beyond. Then the thermodynamics kicked in and he discovered what happened when swirling air at such different temperatures was mixed. A mini tornado formed and burst out of his apartment window. He stood there in the tatters of his clothing mouth agape looking at the remains of his wall.

Although he had seen the video and he had read the cautions on the website about removing loose items he never really thought at anytime that his refrigerator could in any way be considered a loose object.

However the bugs were certainly gone, though he did not think that Mr. Fukigen from across the street appreciated the cooling wind, the shower of bug parts or the gift of a refrigerator. Especially as he had been in the bath at the time they all came crashing through the window of his bathroom. Perhaps if the refrigerator had had some food in it he would not have been so grumpy.

Ganguhiko sighed. Now he had to replace the window and a good portion of the wall. He had to admit that as promised the results had been mind blowing.

**oUo**

"What is your problem? The money goes to a good cause. . .

. . . Me"

**oGo**

Ganguhiko sighed as he approached the shrine. Setting off a mini tornado in his apartment had greater fallout than he figured on. He had to pay for repairs to not only his room, but Mr. Fukigen's as well. He was now officially in debt up to his eyeballs. And he was, temporarily he hoped, homeless. He had to sell as much of his worldly goods as he could.

Tears came to his eyes as he contemplated selling his girls. He could sell their accessories but not them; that would be like putting them into slavery with an owner who might not revere them as much as he did. No. Even though he was, at the moment, without permanent lodging, he would find them new homes where they could live a better life than he could give them just now. Being kept in a box would render them lifeless, no better than anime figurines. He would not do that to them, they had to live. It was, he told himself, good karma.

He decided to give the girls to two different shrines. HoiHoi-san and Combat san were left as offerings at the Hikawa shrine, while Ranko-san and Akane-san would be left near his old alma mater, the Nekomi Institute of Technology, at the Tariki Hongan shrine. Perhaps the fates would shine upon them and him.

**End chapter 1**

**(1) **29,900 Yen = approx $350 US Dollars as of Sept 5, 2010

My thanks to Sunshine Temple who pre-read this story and the people at fukufics.


	2. Chapter 2  Tatewaki's Dream Girls?

Ichigeki Sacchu! HoiHoi-san was created by Tanaka Kunihiko, pulbished in Japan by Media Works and in North America by Infinity Studios,

Ranma1/2 was created by Rumiko Takahashi, and is published in North America by VIZ Media

Poetry quoted from: The Penguin Book of Japanese Verse, Translated by Geoffrey Bownas & Anthony Thwaite, 1964

This is a work of fanfiction.

**The Silicon Senshi**

Chapter 2 – Tatewaki's Dream Girls?

The year is 20XX. Insects have become immune to all pesticides. In order to kill them a Japanese company created the bug destroying robot HoiHoi-san. A rival company, quickly introduced Combat-san. In an effort to not let either Mars/Xentex-Mars or Kinryu, corner the market Furinkan-PharmEx introduced Ranko-San…

Tatewaki Kuno, the proud scion of the house of Kuno was sitting in the Kendo Club's clubroom at Furinkan High school meditating alternately on the two loves of his life: Akane Tendo and the Pigtailed Girl - the epitomes of feminine purity and healthy beauty. They played hard to get, but in the end that would make the getting that much sweeter.

He contemplated the many times he would espy the Pigtailed Girl wet, as if caught in a sudden shower. In his mind's eye he saw her standing on a green hill in a finely appointed kimono …

"Oh, dearest Tatewaki," she would begin upon seeing him, then quote the verse of a Nara period poet, her hands clasped innocently over her breasts,

"In the dew dripping

On this broad flanked hill

Waiting for you

I stand dampened

By the dew on this hill

Then he, ever the gallant samurai, would respond to her, amending the text where he felt appropriate…

Waiting for me

You were dampened.

O that I could be

The dew dripping

On your broad flanked hills

He sighed happily at the thought of her, unencumbered by the vile Saotome, accepting his embrace as the sun set.

His meditations were interrupted by the sense that he was not alone with his thoughts. _'This is strange,'_ he thought as he slowly turned his head this way and that and ascertained that he was indeed the sole human in this inner sanctum.

Again he felt the presence, and this time heard a light tapping. As if he were hearing tiny footsteps. He looked around, no one was there. Dismissing it as the echoes of a person walking in another part of the school emanating from an air vent he returned to his thoughts.

The bright flashes of light and the sound of an automatic weapon being fired brought him to the stark realization that he was not alone in the room. Looking down slowly, as befitted one of his station in life, he finally espied the source of the footsteps that had been haunting him and the explosions that had broken his concentration.

It was the pigtailed girl! Shrunken by some strange magicks, no doubt. She stood, he estimated, no more than twelve centimeters tall and was holding a machine gun that was greatly oversized for her new scale.

She turned and while not looking at him, faced him. Her eyes! They were glowing blue, but they looked so dead. And her face! While undoubtedly her face, there was none of the healthy beauty he had come to adore about it. What evil had befallen her to bring her to such a low estate? Her movements were so mechanical, a mockery of her usual vibrant grace. She was like one of those ensorcelled souls from the voodoo isles, what was the term… A zombie! Oh, his poor pigtailed girl! Not only turned into a zombie but a voodoo doll as well!

While Tatewaki pondered the tragic circumstances the pigtailed girl found herself in, the Ranko-san insect killing robot continued her task of ridding the room of insect infestation. Walking across the floor she stopped and fired a few more rounds at a skittering cockroach then changed the magazine on her weapon. When her sensors were satisfied that there were no more viable targets she exited the room through a flap built in to the wall. A moment later she returned with a broom and a plastic bag and began sweeping up the remains of her kills.

He did not see this, lost as he was in his thoughts as to what to do for the zombified of the voodoo doll variety. He vaguely recalled hearing that you shouldn't wake them lest their soul be lost forever. Or was that sleepwalkers. No matter, he, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High would free the pigtailed girl from the clutches of the vile witch doctor who had so tragically bewitched her. He turned to her to make his pronouncement of aid only to find that she had disappeared. From right in front of his very eyes!

Explicative! Where had she gone? How could he help her if he knew not where she went? In a sweeping move he stood, his hakama billowing around his legs. Scanning the room, he determined that she was not hiding anywhere. Striking a pose, the proud kendoka strode to the doors, flung them open and blinked for a moment in the bright sunlight.

Tatewaki was jolted for a moment, and only a moment, when a pair of feet momentarily used his cranium as a stepping stone. Only one person ever dared use his head as a landing pad.

"SAOTOME! How dare you…." but it was not the foul Saotome, enslaver of women, that he saw bounding off.

"Pigtailed Girl! Oh, how I worried about you how did you escape the foul voodoo master?"

"Whatcha talkin' about Kuno?" came the mellifluous voice of the redhead, as she stopped in mid bounce and, landing gracefully, turned to face the tall upperclassman.

Lost in her voice for a moment, Tatewaki knew that 'Dearest darling', though not said by her, was implied. "Not two moments ago you were in my chamber…"

"Two moments ago I was in Class"

Clearly the voodoo master had clouded her memories when he returned her to her full estate. It would not do to confuse the poor ensorcelled maiden.

"And why would I have any trouble escaping from Gosunkugi?" She inquired sweetly. Again the 'Dearest darling' was left unspoken, but clearly heartfelt.

It was true that the retiring wisp Gosunkugi was a dabbler in the mystic arts. But Tatewaki did not think him capable of such heinous actions.

"Nay. I did not refer to that pitiful excuse of a boy. Rather to one more powerful than he who has confused your mind and played havoc with your size"

"My size?" came the curious reply as she examined her bosom.

Tatewaki blushed as he said "Forgive me, sweet pigtailed girl. I meant your height. I did not mean to impugn your bounteous maidenly charms."

"What about my height?" The pigtailed girl's eyes flashed angrily.

Clearly this was a sore subject for the apple of his eye.

"Not two moments ago you were fifteen centimeters tall"

"Eh?" She eyed him curiously, "You've not been inhaling incense, have you?" She leaned in and sniffed his breath "Or sake?"

"I do not wonder at your incredulousness, but I am pure. And you were in my chamber not two moments ago, standing all of fifteen centimeters tall and carrying a gun of outrageous proportion."

No sooner than he said that than the pigtailed girl was examining his head for recent bumps swellings and contusions but found nothing beyond the dusty prints her slippers had left.

She eyed him for a moment and said, "You should go home and rest, Kuno. You're seeing things." Again, 'Dearest darling' was left unspoken as she turned and continued on her way muttering about finding hot water.

As he watched her bounce away, Tatewaki could not help but feel pride that even in her subjugation to the mysterious voodoo master she showed her concern for his well being. Further proving the markedly obvious that their love would conquer all.

But though she was free for the moment he was certain that it was only temporary and that the vile voodoo master would ensnare her in his tentacles of evil once more. He vowed to himself that he would free the pigtailed girl.

But how? He did not know where to begin to look for this nefarious practitioner of the dark arts. Perhaps he should begin with that lower classman Gosunkugi. As a devotee of the mysterious the pale boy might have some ideas…

Just then a scream pierced the air and Tatewaki looked in the direction it came from. The pale boy in question had just nailed his hand to a tree, having missed the straw doll that now lay at his feet. And the candles tied to his head were even now igniting the leaves of the tree as he thrashed about. Perhaps, Kuno thought on viewing the sight, seeking a professional's aid would be a better way to save his love.

00oo00

A raven haired miko dressed in white and red robes was sweeping leaves off the porch of the temple as the young would be samurai approached.

"Welcome to our Shrine" she respectfully greeted, while bowing to the visitor. "How may I be of service to you?"

As lovely as she was she did not hold a candle to the fair Akane or the beauteous pigtailed girl, thus he resolved to be as business like as possible and not succumb to her charms.

"The girl I love has fallen prey to a practitioner of dark and mystic arts. I do not know who the perfidious beast is nor do I know where to find him. Your shrine is known throughout the breadth of Japan for the tending and reading of the sacred fire. I turn to you in hopes that I may gain the knowledge of how to free my darling love."

She smiled and said, "Come with me and I will find my grandfather, the priest of this shrine" Inwardly she thought: _Dear god, not another one._

00ooo00

"So, my young samurai," the diminutive old priest began invitingly as they knelt facing each other, "tell me what troubles you so to bring you here to seek the aid of our humble shrine."

"The virtuous pigtailed girl who captured my heart has herself been ensnared by an evil master of Voodoo!" Tatewaki declaimed.

"Indeed. Is she pretty?" the bald priest leaned forward.

"She is the epitome of healthy beauty, a delicate flower beyond compare, one deserving to be worshiped as the goddess whose earthly manifestation she surely is. In short: a woman who is most worthy of being my consort. That is why it is so tragic that first she fell first to the vile machinations of Saotome and now has fallen into the clutches of an evil magician who even now is making her into his zombie slave. Though, " Tatewaki paused, " she was only zombified for a brief time and moments later returned to her rightful mind and full estate, but was entirely unaware of what had been done to her."

"Ah, so. We may yet be able to save your poor love from a fate worse than death. Hmm, let me ponder this." With that the old man closed his eyes and appeared deep in thought.

And so they sat, priest and samurai, deep in thought pondering the fate of the pigtailed girl neither moving. Birds chirped and the cicadas buzzed and a curious dragonfly flew past in a zigzag course. An hour and then another went by and still they sat.

The miko came in and realized that her grandfather had fallen asleep and the wannabe samurai was not about to say anything. Almost without thinking she did what came naturally to her and she hit her grandfather with her broom.

"Grandfather, perhaps we should do a fire reading for the young gentleman." she suggested while the priest's eyes stopped swirling.

"Ahem, quite right my dear child. A rire feeding … I mean fire reading… is exactly what we should do... I mean you should do. I'm feeling rather dizzy at the moment and need to lie down." And with that he fell over onto the tatami mats.

Rei sat before the fire and thought to herself '_Setsuna would love this'_. She kept getting what seemed to be post-apocalyptic images of a strange looking senshi fighting gigantic cockroaches. The redheaded senshi's fuku had a red with black polka dot motif. And what was with the antennae on her head? Not to mention the automatic weaponry she kept using along with her magical attacks. What happened to the fight for love and justice? At least she did seem to have a lot of success fighting the giant bugs.

How this fit in with the ravings of the would-be Samurai Lothario, who was waiting with an expectant look on his face, she did not know. So far no images had manifested of zombified girls or puppet masters or sorcerers, though the red hair in a pigtail did match his somewhat vague description of a goddess come to earth, radiant with healthy beauty. However, given the way the girl in her vision terminated the bugs - she was no delicate flower either.

The images of the bugs being blasted did disturb her, though she marshaled her features so as not to show it. Was this a new threat she and the other senshi should be worried about? If so why had Setsuna not warned them?

Turning to the kendo enthusiast she said,"The fire has shown me many things that I must meditate on. Please leave me a number where I can contact you."

With a flourish that had Rei rolling her eyes, Tatewaki produced an ink stone, brush and inkwell and on a sheet of expensive paper wrote his number down. She glanced at it and sighed internally – if only his calligraphy matched his enthusiasm.

She then escorted him to the door of the temple and with a promise that she would call him, bid him goodnight (and good riddance) and thanked him for visiting the shrine.

Though Tatewaki gracefully bowed to the miko and strode away from the temple he was bothered by the fact he would have to wait for an answer to his quest. He was a man of action. Patience might be a virtue, but when your true love is in danger it rankled to have to wait. However, he was glad he had tasked his ninja manservant Sasuke to keep watch over his beloved tree-borne kettle girl.

oo00oo

"For the last time, Sasuke – GO Home! There is nothing wrong with me!"

"But I can't go home. I was told to watch you and watch you I will. Besides, Kasumi invited me to dinner. Now please pass the takoyaki."

o000o

The next day dawned bright and early, but it was a bleary eyed Tatewaki who made his way to Furinkan high school. His dreams had been invaded by a faceless evil magician who towered over the school turning all the girls in Nerima into tiny zombified slaves, beginning with the pigtailed girl and then his dearest Akane.

For some reason though, it did not bother him as much when the wizard turned Nabiki.

He consoled himself that it was only a dream and that the fierce tigress Akane had not been touched by the perverted magic. However, he took the dream as a sign that he must do something to prevent such an occurrence from happening!

Then, too, what was he to do about his dearest pigtailed girl? She had unknowingly escaped the clutches of the foul enslaver, but what if she fell to his perverted magicks again?

With such thoughts he made his weary way to his classroom and sat through interminable classes.

Finally, when the hands of the clock completed their slow march around the arc of the dial to the lunch hour, he found solace in his meditation room where he sat and pondered the night's dream before the posters of his delightful Akane and cherished pigtailed girl.

While lost in his ponderings, that is to say dreamland, where he and the two objects of his heart's desire romped hand in hand across a flowered meadow, the sounds of squeaking footsteps and automatic weapons fire brought him back to reality.

His hands flew to his temple and his mouth was agape as his eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as he beheld both the pigtailed girl and… Akane, too, dear gods! Miniaturized; wearing some strange variation of a school sailor fuku; beribboned, bowed and heavily armed. He was transfixed. His nightmare was coming true! Time seemed to slow down and messages from his brain were not getting to his arms and legs. The girls left his line of sight, and when his body came back on line he rushed to the door but there was no sign of them anywhere.

Grabbing his bokken he left his sanctuary behind, only to run into the fair Akane walking with the foul Saotome. He breathed a sigh of relief that she had been restored.

Laying his hands on her shoulders he began, "Oh, Akane dearest, thank goodness you are all right! The foul somurgleomgrloeg…"

His speech was interrupted by a well placed fist to the face.

"Upperclassman Kuno, please remove your hands from my shoulders" Akane said in the politest form she could while withdrawing her hand from his cheek as he slumped to the floor.

"I wonder who the foul Somurgleomgrloeg is? Has he been watching Slayers?" said Ranma.

"That's your favourite show, Lina"

"What would you know about it, Amelia?" with that Ranma took off with Akane close behind swinging her schoolbag, leaving a dazed and confused Tatewaki behind.

0ooo0ooo0

"So, let me get this straight…"

Wasting no time when he had recovered from Akane's love tap, Tatewaki had immediately returned to the shrine and now stood listening to the resident miko.

"The two fairest flowers of Furinkan maidenhood have been ensorcelled and reduced to mindless slavery to be used in some nefarious scheme involving high powered oversized automatic weaponry…" Rei pinched her nose. "… Then returned with no knowledge of ever having been zombified. And you fear that no girl at your school is safe from becoming pawns for some vile puppet master. But as yet no one else has seen these mesmerized damsels in senshi sailor seifuku. Is that the gist of it?"

"Indeed my good shrine maiden, that is correct"

She stared at him for a moment. There was something about his haughty demeanor that made her want to have as little to do with him as possible. But, as lives might be at stake…

"_Fine_. I will do another fire reading, please wait here"

She stared at the flames in shock, there actually seemed to be a grain of truth behind the samurai wannabe's ravings. For this time the fire showed two girls in the strangely styled sailor fuku and paired antennae sported on their heads fighting oversized bugs with impossibly large weapons and magical attacks.

If two girls were now being forced to fight giant insects why not three girls or, even more likely, tens of hundreds of more mind controlled girls. How often had she seen that scenario as Sailor Mars?

And what was the deal with the antennae anyway?

00oo00

The look on the miko's face as she returned from the mystic fire told him much. First that she had seen something that confirmed to her that he was truthful (As if he would lie about the cherished pigtailed girl or his dear Akane). Second that she had seen something else, something terrible in its aspect. But not, he deduced, who was behind the terrible ensorceling of his two loves.

"I must meditate further upon what I have seen. Do nothing until I contact you."

Those kindly words echoed in his ears as did the memory of her tender touch as she walked with him to the temple gate at an endearing pace that was oh so short. But as he was keeping himself for his two loves he thanked her kindly, bowed and walked away.

00ooo00

Rei shook her head as she walked back to the temple. She hadn't wanted to toss him in to the street like that, but he didn't seem to take the hint that she was dismissing him. Now if what the fire had shown her was definitely a future threat, then Setsuna "had some 'splainnin' to do".

00ooo00

To say the least the sight of Setsuna curled up with laughter on the floor of her apartment was not the explanation she was expecting to the situation she presented.

"Hoo! Hoo! HA! Hoo! Hee! Ha! Ho Ho! heh, heh, heh. hee hee. Giant k… k… cockroaches! ha! hee. Zombie Girls in Senshi seifuku! hee ha ha ha! Antennae! ha! ho! hee!."

It took ten minutes before the senshi of Pluto could compose herself enough to speak complete sentences and even then she had to strain to keep from bursting into laughter once again. Giving up her attempts to speak for the moment, she walked to her kitchen and came back with a doll in her hands.

For a moment Rei was wondering why Setsuna was bringing her one of Hotaru's toys when she recognized the red hair.

"This is Ranko-San. She is a marvelous invention that keeps my residence free from insects and other bugs."

00ooo00

The wealthy, but troubled, and quite delusional scion of the Samurai knelt before the miko of the Hikawa shrine awaiting with bated breath her pronouncement on the fates of his dearest loves.

"Kuno-san," she began, "I have pondered the vision of the fire and it has been revealed to me that your loves have not been ensorcelled or zombified, neither have they been shrunk. They are not under the control of a mysterious puppet master. What you have seen are two tiny insecticidal robots that just happen to look like your friends. The robots are made by Furinkan-Pharmex and are available in most pharmacies and all over Akihabara"

Tatewaki looked askance.

"Do you understand?"

He sat there dumbfounded.

"Are you all right, Kuno-san?"

His eyes refocused. He stood and bowed to the miko and made his way out of the shrine. On his way home he stopped before a pharmacy which had Ranko-san & Akane-san insecticidal robots prominently displayed in the window.

Striking up a pose with feet apart, one arm raised and the other on his sheathed bokken, he declared, "I must have them both!"

**End Chapter 2.**

Author's notes:

Again my thanks to Sunshine Temple who was my pre-reader

My thanks to everyone here who posted a review

As Grinnerz's review noted this story was originally posted at Fukufics, aka The Temple of Ranma's Sailor Senshi Seifuku.

Chapter 1 first went up there in 2008 with this chapter following almost a year later.

There is a third chapter written and I plan to post it here in February.

A fourth chapter is in the works but is still in the ideas stage.


	3. Chapter 3 Ramushubou & the Ice Queen

Ichigeki Sacchu! HoiHoi-san was created by Tanaka Kunihiko, pulbished in Japan by Media Works and in North America by Infinity Studios

Ranma1/2 was created by Rumiko Takahashi, and is published in North America by VIZ Media

Rumpole of the Bailey was created by John Mortimer and is published by Penguin Books

Poetry quoted from: The Penguin Book of Japanese Verse, Translated by Geoffrey Bownas & Anthony Thwaite, 1964

This is a work of _fanfiction_.

It has little or no resemblance to the way the law or law courts work in Japan or abroad.

**The Silicon Senshi**

**Chapter 3 - Ramushubou and the Ice Queen**

The year is 20XX. Insects have become immune to all pesticides. In order to kill them a Japanese company created the bug destroying robot HoiHoi-san. A rival company, quickly introduced Combat-san. In an effort to not let either Mars/Xentex-Mars or Kinryu, corner the market Furinkan-PharmEx introduced Ranko-San…

From the memoirs of Ramushubou Horitsu:

There were, alas, no bloodstains involved. There was not even a corpse, and though there were bodies they were not of the sort that are usually argued about in criminal court, save in cases brought by the Department of Health. Not like my first big trial – the Maison Penji Murders where the blood told all, however they can't all be splashy show pieces. Alas.

Before me in my dingy law office on the shady side of the Ginza, in my world-weary green leather chair sat the middle daughter of the infamous Nerima Tendo clan.

The Tendos are long time clients of mine who I have successfully defended against multiple accusations of minor violations, mostly of the bodily injury and property damages kind.

The father, Soun, a widower, is an upstanding fellow, a well respected member of the ward council, a man of independent wealth, though he and his three daughters live modestly. He runs a family dojo in what he is pleased to call the "Anything Goes" style, and does a sideline in demon hunting. Since his wife's death he does have a tendency to cry a bit much – and at times in a most fascinating and prodigious manner – fascinating in that despite the quantity of liquid his moustache never gets wet. There are rumors of shady dealings and connections to a well known and hard to catch panty thief, but as yet nothing has been proven. Especially with Ramushubou for the defense.

The eldest of the Tendo girls is the unassuming Kasumi. At 19 she maintains the household in the absence of her mother and is a fine example of traditional Japanese womanhood. There are rumors, too, about her concerning the disappearance of her long time beau, but as there were no blood stains and no body and I proved her innocence, they can be dispelled.

The youngest girl, 16 year old Akane, has been defended by me plenty of times, mostly on charges of assault causing bodily harm, all of which were dismissed as self defense. I never allow my clients to plead guilty. She is a very healthy girl, well versed in the martial arts, if not the marital arts. Her culinary skills particularly leave much to be desired. The incident of poisoning was proved to be accidental. The boy survived and upon recovering was reprimanded for stealing the so called cookies in the first place.

Before I get to the matter concerning the confident girl sitting before me, I should also take a few moments to mention the Saotome family, well known colleagues of the Tendo clan, who also figure in this tale.

Genma Saotome, the head of his clan, is an itinerant martial artist, last employed by Dr. Tofu Ono, the missing boyfriend of Kasumi. He also assists Soun in his demon hunting. His major accomplishment, as he describes it, is raising his son to be a "man among men" and the best martial artist of his generation. He has a list of grievances against him as long as the Shinano River. Mostly petty, and unprovable. It is rather hard to prove someone has stolen food when there is no food to be seen and he has not been caught on camera. However, he has a tendency to fob off his alleged problems on to his son – training, as he puts it.

Nodoka Saotome married Genma, in what many describe as an absence of mind, and there are those who say it has been on an extended leave ever since. Always impeccable in her kimono, she too is a fine example of traditional Japanese womanhood. There was, of course the matter of her carrying a concealed weapon, to wit the Saotome family katana. However I proved conclusively that, given her demonstrable lack of ability with the sword, it was much safer for society as a whole that it remain concealed.

Their son, Ranma is somewhat as Genma boasts. He is indeed the best martial artist, if not of this or any other generation, then at the very least the best that I've ever defended – and I've defended a great number during my time at the bar. Rando Masashi, who, alas, died in a tragic bus crash, and that woman among women, Megumi Amatsuka, possessed of both great beauty and great anger, are but two who come to mind.

Ranma is by turns both social and unschooled in the social arts, especially in the area of interpersonal affairs. He has been allegedly affianced by his father to several girls, Akane Tendo among them; some for food others, like Miss Tendo, for more tangible assets, though only the Tendo alliance is confirmed. He is very reserved and rarely offers information about himself. It must be drawn out. His memory, too, oft seems reluctant to impart information even to him.

Finally there is also the mysterious female personage who is truly at the heart of the matter. Known variously as Ranma Saotome, Ranko Saotome, Ranko Tendo, Pigtailed Goddess, Tree Borne Kettle Girl, she is also at the center of the case against Ms Tendo. While she is indeed a real person, she appears and disappears with some regularity and makes a point of never being seen with the male Ranma. And she is a master of disguise, and no one I've questioned is sure where she gets or stores her seemingly vast wardrobe of clothing and wigs. All of which, I surmise, is to give her an aura of magic.

My gentle reader should not take it that Ranko (as I will call her for convenience and clarity) did anything wrong, rather the case is that Nabiki did something wrong to Ranko and her own sister Akane.

The case of wrong doing against Ranko might be easily dismissed on the fact that officially she does not exist. Ranko Tendo is not entered on, nor has she been erased from the rolls of the Tendo family. Ranma Saotome is most definitely and defiantly male and there is no other Ranma Saotome to be found, either male or female of the right age, on the extended Saotome family roster. Tree Bourne Kettle Girl is not a proper name, save, I am told, in parts of west coast America, the northern shires of England and certain towns of Sweden.

And while her vibrant hair color certainly suggests that she might be of foreign origin, her facial features mark her as being of the distaff side of the Saotome family as she resembles Nodoka uncannily. A simple blood test would remove all doubt. But as yet it has not proved necessary.

Now I said the case might be dismissed given her legal non-existence. Alas, there are too many photographs and items with the photographs printed on them of her to say that she is a mere phantom gravure idol. Alas, too, for my current client as most of these photographs are alleged to have originated from her own camera.

The crux of the case is that my client sold the identities of her sister and Ranko to the Furinkan-Pharmex company, makers of the Ranko-San and Akane-San insecticidal robots, without the permission or knowledge of the two girls.

Akane-San is a most remarkable reproduction of the features of the youngest Tendo. And the Ranko-San is just as much an exact duplication in plastic of the pigtailed goddess, to use one of her many aliases.

Even more so the programming of the robots' manners, speech patterns and movements owe much to Akane and the mysterious Ranko. The replication is so well done that it seems that were it possible one would guess that somehow, however improbable, Furinkan-Pharmex had made exact copies of Ranko and Akane's very souls.

While one, especially a gaijin, would expect that the case against Nabiki was being brought by Akane and Ranko, they would be wrong. Family suing family is simply not done. No, the case is being prosecuted by that ambulance chasing freelance who goes by the nom-de-plume, Ja Kuse, in part on their behalf he says as they have been smothered by outdated tradition and habit…

Bah.

Truth be told, he rarely (if ever) works pro-bono and in fact has been hired by one Tatewaki Kuno, scion of the House of Kuno, son of Kouchou & Yukuefumeiko, brother of Kodachi, he is also known as the "Blue Thunder of Furinkan", and is head of the Furinkan high school Kendo club. This young Kuno is bringing the action he says, "To render unto Akane and the pigtailed girl that which they have been so foully cheated of and so righteously and richly deserve. Also to free them from the vile machinations of the foul Saotome so that they may express their deep and heartfelt love for me." Kuse has so far managed to keep the last from the public record.

Now, as to the girl with the pageboy hairstyle sitting in the time-worn chair: Nabiki Tendo. In her time she has been said to have run books on fights at school, spent millions in the pursuit of a mere ten yen, to have sold her would be brother-in-law to a brothel in Hong Kong, and above all else to be a self-centered entrepreneur. I have demonstrated many times that she is a misunderstood girl who has done such things for the benefit of her family, to keep the household running, to improve relations with China and that her "Ice Queen" persona is a mere façade, hiding the poor child within who has not yet overcome her mother's premature death. That she may indeed have done the things she was accused of is beside the point. Ramushubou has proven she is as pure as the new fallen snow.

"Well, Nabiki, my dear, what have you been doing to warrant time in that chair? According to this," I pointed to the papers on my desk, "you have been making Faustian deals selling other people's souls to the devils of modern science. In particular, your sister Akane's and young Miss Ranko's. Selling souls is something best handled by priests and exorcists, Identity theft is another matter altogether. Be grateful that this is being pursued as a civil matter and not a criminal case. The police would have you confessing to all manner of crimes against humanity in no time.

Now, you realize ink is about as hard to wash away as blood and your signature is on the contract with Furinkan-Pharmex. What a pretty mess you've landed upon my plate."

"Well, Rambo-baby," she began and I rolled my eyes at her familiarity. "At least it's not one of Akane's culinary creations." She finished in her normal unconcerned tone.

"Hehrumph" I laughed. "I doubt, however, that you can plea bargain your way out with more pictures of Ranko or Akane. I understand they were none too pleased when they found out about their miniature doppelgangers." I said placing a pair of the pair in question on my desk.

"I am sure that you merely overlooked obtaining their permission prior to embarking on this project, and that you fully intend to disperse the profits obtained equally among the three of you with a share no doubt set aside for the up-keep of the family home."

She looked at me through half lidded eyes. "But of course."

"Good! Bring the pair of them in here, with their hanko, if they have one, to sign this," I slid a prepared document over for her to look over "I will have it witnessed by my secretary as I realize that finding a responsible adult in Nerima may be difficult. And that should take some if not all of the wind out of Kuse' sails."

Nabiki gazed at the paper for a minute, then nodding approvingly she handed the paper back.

"Tomorrow at 5:30?" she asked as she stood to go.

I checked my schedule, "Yes. That will do fine. Until then Ms Tendo"

"Ta Ta, Rambo"

With that she was out of the office and moments later out on the street. And I was thinking of popping around to Ringo Kajuen's sake bar for a round of courage in preparation for the next day's visit.

0I0I0I0

I was just outside my office, returning from a quick afternoon snack when I spotted, as the poem by the Heian Period Poet, Kagura describes:

"Silver clasp

On his sword

Slung proudly at his thigh,

As he swaggers down

The broad walk of Nara;

Who might he be?"

Well, _he_ might be the aquarium fish deliveryman, or some foreign prince seeking his bride, but _he_ was neither, nor was this Nara. The 'he' in question here was in fact young Tatewaki Kuno, clad in his kendo garb, bokken in hand, searching for the "foul Saotome", meaning Ranma, and his pigtailed goddess meaning the fairer Ranma Saotome, who was due to arrive with the Tendo sisters. And the 'here' was outside my office on the shady side of the Ginza. And I was praying to whatever kami there was nearby who might divert him to do so.

"Ah, Mister Ramushubou," he began as if he were respectfully addressing something unpleasant he had just found on the bottom of his shoe. "You are just the man I am looking for."

Oh dear, there's never a kami around when you need one.

"Ah, Mister Kuno. And how might I be of service to you on this fine day? Desiring to contest your parentage again?"

"What? No. No, no, not today. I have other plans for that cretin who claims to be my father, but those are for another day. Yes, another day….

No, today I am present to see justice done for my pigtailed goddess and the fair Akane Tendo. And to see that that foul fiend Saotome does not interfere."

My pleas to the kami notwithstanding, I was expecting him. After all, last night over our usual sake at Ringo's I had informed his lawyer, Kuse, that we were settling the matter as usual beyond the precinct of the District Court. He declared that he would attend to see Justice! done. Indeed he did say justice with the capital letter and exclamation mark. So Kuse himself was due here shortly to witness the signing, coming directly from his office just across the street.

"Very well, Mister Kuno, but you remember the rules as laid down after the cookie incident? You will surrender your bokken to my secretary who will return it as you leave. You are not to make any comments nor plead your case to woo any of the three ladies who will be in attendance. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Yes. I shall be circumspect and as quiet as a mouse." Replied the scion of the house of Kuno.

"Very good. But you must leave your ninja outside."

"Oh, very well. Sasuke! Sasuke!"

The rodent-faced retainer appeared at his side "Yes, Master Kuno?"

"You will remain out here and let me know immediately if you see that sorcerer Saotome darken the doorway." And with that, the young Kuno entered my building.

Next to come on the scene was my colleague and adversary, Ja Kuse. Resplendent in a finely tailored white suit, he showed a most curious way of crossing the street. He stood on the edge of the sidewalk and pointed dramatically at an oncoming car, which stopped as much in surprise as fear of the driver having been accused of some major crime. He repeated this action several times, staring down each car in turn before jauntily crossing the street.

"Ramushubou."

"Kuse."

"Here?"

"Yours."

"Yours?"

"Not yet"

"Inside?"

"Please, but stay away from Ms Hishoko. I've just managed to train her to make the tea the way I like it. I don't want to have to break in a new secretary. Again."

And in he went.

Without acknowledging my request, the swine.

I followed him in.

OIOIOIOIO

We sat in silence, contemplating our tea, while seated around the age-darkened oak table in the boardroom as the hands of the old wall clock seemed to ever so slowly fall to the bottom of the hour.

As is its wont, my subconscious mind likes to recite random poetry to fill the void of inaction. On this day it rooted around the attic of my memories and began to broadcast the following to my waking mind intent on excluding any other thought.

At sundown the little birds

Rustle in the bushes

But I – I nestle in the breasts

Of a girl who plants the rice

I suspect however that the rice planting maid who was expected would object, both vociferously and physically.

Meanwhile, in the boardroom there was no sound at all but the clock upon the wall.

Then the door burst open wide and Ms. Hishoko stepped inside.

I made a note to instruct her on the proper way to open a door.

"Misses Tendo and Saotome are here to see you"

I nodded to her "Please show them in."

We three gentlemen stood to greet the ladies.

Akane's and Ranko's eyes widened when they saw the young Mr. Kuno standing by the table.

"What's he doing here?" they chorused.

"I… "Tatewaki began before Kuse slapped a restraining order over his mouth.

"We," explained Kuse, while raising his right arm and pointing to the ceiling, "are here to be witnesses for Justice!"

Kuno struggled briefly with the paper that read "Quiet" before glaring at Kuse, then longingly at Akane and Ranko.

"Indeed" I said. "Ladies, please be seated and we shall get to the signing ceremony.

"Do you have your hanko?" I enquired of the ladies, to which they nodded and produced them, placing them on the table. I shook my head, this would never do.

A quick glance showed that both Nabiki and Akane had their bank hanko, while Ranko had a homemade artist's hanko. While they are useful in their own way they cannot be used on an official document, which requires an officially registered hanko.

"Ms. Hishoko, please bring in the brushes and ink."

A moment later Ms Hishoko was grinding away beside the table, preparing the ink for the signing.

A brush was handed to Nabiki who neatly signed her name in the appointed place. Then she passed the brush to Akane who signed her name.

Ranko looked a little hesitant and as she dipped the brush in the ink and raised it to the paper and then with a flourish signed her name in blotchy but passable kanji.

At that moment Kuse stood raised his hand to the ceiling and pulled on a rope that I would have sworn was not there the moment before, which opened a ball containing confetti, then exclaimed, "Justice has been served!"

Not to be out done, Kuno finally freed himself of the restraining order, shouting with great enthusiasm, "Three Cheers and a Tiger for you! Hip! Hip! Hurroar!"

Even now as I examine the bills for the restoration of my office, I am still stunned by the devastation. I would like to be able to offer an explanation or even a description to you, my dear reader, but words fail me. Where did he get the tigers, when did he get the tigers, how did he hide the tigers, and why dear kami, why did he release them in a crowded room?

To say pandemonium ensued would be an understatement of several magnitudes.

My poor oak table will never be the same.

The tigers will never be the same.

Kuse's finely tailored white suit will never be the same.

Ms Hishoko's tea has not been the same and for this grievous crime I do swear that Kuno shall be prosecuted and found guilty.

Especially with Ramushubou for the prosecution!

**End Chapter 3**

My thanks to Sunshine Temple for pre-reading this, and to the folks at Fukufics (Temple of Ranma's Senshi Seifuku) for looking it over.

My apologies for the long delay in uploading this chapter - it has been sitting around since July 2010 at Fukufics and I had intended to upload it here in February 2011. However plans got changed.


End file.
